How to Let Go

With the arrival of Autumn in the Northern Hemisphere, the trees are showing us that letting go is a natural and inevitable part of the cycle of life. And, here in the UK, we’ve recently experienced a collective ‘letting go’ as we’ve mourned the death of our monarch, HRH Queen Elizabeth.

Is letting go always the right thing to do?

‘Letting go’ can be a very positive thing to do. In Japan there is even a word for it - 断捨離 or Danshari, which means let go, clear away, make space. But, while it is helpful to let go of things that we no longer need or that no longer serve us, letting go is only ever right for us if we understand why we are letting go of something and what the benefit to us will be. There are some things – our purpose, goal and focus, for example – that we should not let go of and some things that we might later regret letting go of if we make our decisions without proper consideration.

So, how can you decide whether or not it is right to let go of something – whether it’s an object, person or way of being? 

It’s important to recognise that the thing you are considering letting go of was important to you once and you need to ask yourself whether it is still serving you. If the answer is ‘no’ then it can be helpful to let it go. 

How to let go

Try to appreciate whatever it was that the object/person/way of being gave you. Even apparently negative things – like a relationship that has gone wrong – will have given you something valuable, such as insights into yourself or important learning. 

Once you can recognise and be grateful for whatever it was you got from it, the circle of Karma is complete and you can let it go. Remember to say ‘thank you’ for whatever it was you received – you may want to list on a piece of paper all of the benefits you got from it. Then, when you are ready, you can burn the piece of paper and say a final farewell. Fire serves spiritually to purify and you may want to sprinkle the ashes on the earth, to support something new to grow.

What to do when you’re forced to let go

Sometimes, we might find ourselves being forced to let go of something or someone that we’re not ready to let go of, for example when someone dies or a relationship ends. In this case, it’s important that we allow ourselves to feel whatever emotions come up for us. This might include grief, sadness, anger or despair. 

Dealing with anger

Often, anger is one of the first emotions we feel. Sometimes we can feel uncomfortable about expressing anger, particularly if it is directed towards a person who has left our life. But anger is a natural emotion. After all, we are no longer able to get what we wanted or needed from that person and our hopes and dreams have ended. This can cause us to feel angry, sad and empty. As a society, we tend to have a negative perception of anger, however, it can be a great motivator and energiser and we can use it in a positive way to create rather than to destroy. And, once we can feel the emotion and find a way to express it, we can start to let it go. 

A healthy way to deal with this anger might be to write a letter to the person who has gone expressing how you feel. You might need to talk to a friend or therapist about your emotions. Or, if this is not possible, consider talking to an inanimate object like a tree or large stone. In Japanese gardens, stones are used to purify stuck energy and ground it. Alongside fire, earth serves a powerful purifying function, so try channelling your feelings into something that touches the ground, such as a tree or rock, and visualise them being taken deep into the earth to be purified and cleansed. This can help to let the feelings go.

An empty space for something new to emerge

Once we let something go, there is an empty space. This can be frightening as many of us are scared of emptiness, but it is necessary to allow something new to come through and fill it. 

Many spiritual traditions, like Buddhism and Zen, recognise the value of letting go. In Transpersonal Psychotherapy practice, we are encouraged to remove whatever can be removed from ourselves so that only the essence of who we are remains. It can be helpful to remember that anything that can be taken away – including our thoughts and feelings – are not our core essence. 

When we are able to engage in a spiritual process of letting go, we can discover the freedom of non-attachment and start to create our life with the essence of our true self at its heart. This is what the Leaves Institute supports people to do – to move towards self-awakening so that we can live the life we are truly meant to live.

To learn more around how to let go, contact us or register your interest in one of our short courses, retreats or Diplomas.